


What Does Jarvis Think

by silver_drip



Series: Killing me with Kink 'verse [3]
Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, M/M, POV JARVIS (Iron Man movies), Protective Jarvis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-23 00:44:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2527700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_drip/pseuds/silver_drip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jarvis' thoughts during my other fic I Think, Therefore I Kink.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Does Jarvis Think

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Eternal_Love_Song](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eternal_Love_Song/gifts), [EndlessStairway](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndlessStairway/gifts), [mohello](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mohello/gifts), [AsterRoc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsterRoc/gifts).



> Consider this being a gift for your continuous support :)
> 
> (This is for you too anon, but since ya don't have an account...) 
> 
> Starts right before my other fic I Think, Therefore I Kink

Sir’s sexual activity has decreased 2.3% this month in comparison to his average. Within acceptable parameters.

Factoring in Ms. Potts’ absence… no discernible impact. Main source of sexual gratification inaccessible, compensation and needs met by random encounters. Most notably the encounter with one of SHIELD’s undercover agents.

Sir had categorized her kink as ‘fucking in the workplace’ (agoraphilia).

It had only taken three minutes for him to convince her that having sex in a conference room was a good idea.

After their tryst SHIELD had her reassigned to a different mission.

Their second attempt of infiltration was by an older male.

The agent was as Sir put it ‘ugly as sin’ (below average looking).

Regardless he found out the agent’s kink and used it against him. It was one of his more elegant designs. He had he agent run into one of his employees with a complimentary kink, instructing her to let it slip. Over the next three weeks they dated and he had to be reassigned due to a ‘fuck up’ (conflict on interest).

No new spies have been detected.

Food intake has decreased. Still in parameters.

Encounter with a ‘leech’ (reporter). Private interview left unfinished when Sir started increased his usage of obscene language. ‘Dirty talk’ (narratophilia) led to three hours of sex. All recording equipment ‘malfunctioned’ (digitally displaced software). Reporter subsequently scolded by her editor, but was otherwise no worse for wear.

Disturbance in SHIELD facility. Interest level low. Will report if situation changes.

Ms. Potts cancels a meeting in favor of meeting Sir in the tower for some ‘food play’ (sitophilia). Both sated and full.

Food consumption higher than his usual, but lower than the average age and weight of a male Sir’s size.

Ordering more whipped cream.

Sir and Ms. Potts exchange a tender kiss before she leaves.

**Ms. Potts:**

**Relationship Categorized:**

Healthy

**Benefits:**

Stability

Deep understanding of Sir

Predictable reactions

Disease free

Acceptance of deviances

Encourages healthy habits

Relieves workload pertaining to SI

**Drawbacks:**

Very little difference from her position as personal assistant

Emotional needs not met fully

Intellectual stimulation rarely achieved

Intensity of emotional attachment questionable

**Conclusion:**

Best fit presently

* * *

Called into help by previously scorning SHIELD agency.

Humor level escalating.

Downloading thermonuclear astrophysics information. Removing redundancy. Deleting superfluous information.

Knowledge attainment estimation 12 hours.

Correction 10 hours.

-Speed reading has improved

Correction 11 hours.

-Extra hour due to received ‘blowjob’ (fellatio)

Sir’s confidence in newly acquired knowledge 89%

Disagrees: 85%

Suggestion of adding in a ‘double check’ (digital information review and correction) to ‘lil worm’ (flash drive hacking implement).

Sir approves.

**Update private server category: ‘Super Secret Boy Band’ (Avengers Initiative):**

**Natasha Romanoff:**

AKA: Black Widow, Natalia Ailanova Romanova, Natasha, Natalie Rushman, Nadine Roman, Black Pearl

Status: Neutral, SHIELD agent,

Likelihood of sexual interaction:

-Sir’s assessment: 13%

-Disagree: 23%

Threat level:

-Sir’s assessment: 28%

-Agree

Contingency plan for threat level above 86% or immanent bodily harm to Sir:

Nesting Doll Protocol:

Three tiered response

-Threaten revelation of connection with Red Room Academy associate

-Disclose knowledge of pertaining to Nathan Romanova. Relation: Son

-Soften blow by setting up college fund for Nathan Romanova

Added entry: Possible emotional attachment to Clint Barton

Revising Nesting Doll Protocol

Revision

Four tiered response

-Threaten revelation of connection with Red Room Academy associate

-Emotional implications of revelations of previous tier pertaining to Clint Barton

-Disclose knowledge of pertaining to Nathan Romanova. Relation: Son

-Soften blow by setting up college fund for Nathan Romanova

Favorite food: sweet and sour pork

Coffee preference: Columbian roast, three sugars, no dairy

**Clint Barton:**

AKA: HawkEye, Clinton Francis Barton, Marksman, Coliath, Robin Hood, Purple Man

Status: Unknown, former SHIELD agent, unclear association with one Loki Odinson. Further data required

Likelihood of sexual interaction

-Sir’s assessment: 6%

-Agree

New data added.

Status: Neutral, SHIELD agent

Likelihood of sexual interaction

-Sir’s assessment: 36%

-Agree

New data added.

Likelihood of sexual interaction:

-New factor: alcohol

-Sir’s assessment: 84%

-Disagree: 64%

Relationship with Natasha Romanoff: Unknown on Clint Barton’s part. Possibly unrequited on Natasha Romanoff’s part.

Compiling contingency plan for threat level above 86% or immanent bodily harm to Sir:

Compiling…

Compiling…

New data added.

Egg-Drop Soup Protocol:

Three tiered response

-Falsify information pertaining to Bernard ‘Barney’ Barton’s death. Implication: SHIELD at fault. Revise specifics later. Create corresponding data.

-Alienate from Natasha Romanoff. Specifics unknown. Further data required.

-Turn SHIELD against him. Specifics unknown. Further data required.

Consult with Sir when current crisis has come to its end.

Favorite food: Unknown

Coffee preference: Unknown

**Bruce Banner:**

AKA: Robert Bruce Banner, Hulk, David Blaine, Bruce Roberts

Status: Friendly, SHIELD consultant

Likelihood of sexual interaction:

-Sir’s assessment: 58%

-Disagree: 60%

Threat level:

-Sir’s assessment: 10%

-Disagree: 23%

Compiling contingency plan for threat level above 86% or immanent bodily harm to Sir:

Compiling…

Compiling…

New data added.

Two plans created.

Dr. Jekyll Ain’t Jesting Protocol:

Two tiered response

-Create uncertainty in any variable of situations. Suggestions: imply having cure, imply SHIELD has cure, convince that General Thaddeus “Thunderbolt” Ross is working with SHIELD, convince that General Thaddeus “Thunderbolt” Ross is imminently arriving to current area with troops.

-Either offer help or remove from situation

Mr. Hyde or My Hide Protocol:

Two tiered response

-Preemptive: Create positive rapport with both halves

-Create suit capable of withstanding and fighting the stronger half

Consult with Sir when current crisis has come to its end pertaining to new suit creation.

Favorite food: Unknown, likely Indian food, specific dish unknown.

Coffee Preference: strong Indian brew with condensed milk

New data added.

-Sir seems to regard Bruce Banner as being in a similar intellectual sphere. Offered blueberries, a step to friendship.

-Drawbacks: Bruce Banner’s constant travel, other half’s appearance ending violently

-Possible benefits: stability, encourages healthy habits, expands Sir’s knowledge to different realms of science, stimulating to both mind and possibly body

Drawing up plans for cohabitation. Consult with Sir and Ms. Potts when current crisis has come to its end.

**Steve Rogers:**

AKA: Captain America, Steven Rogers, The Captain

Status: Unknown, SHIELD agent

Likelihood of sexual interaction:

-Sir’s assessment: 8%

-Disagree: 6%

Threat level:

-Sir’s assessment: Unknown

-Disagree: 17%

Compiling contingency plan for threat level above 86% or immanent bodily harm to Sir:

Compiling…

Compiling…

New data added.

Starts and Strangles Protocol:

Three tiered response:

-Preemptive: Set in place a SI agent as Peggy Carter’s nurse

-Threaten as Sir sees fit

-Soften blow by upgrading Peggy Carter’s accommodations

Plan’s likelihood of success below allowed parameters.

Consult with Sir when current crisis has come to its end.

Possibly use mutual relationship with Howard Anthony Stark as form of manipulation.

Favorite food: Pizza

Coffee Preference: Dislikes coffee

New data added.

-Morally steadfast

-Willing to break established rules when his morals are threatened.

**Updating Sir’s personal preference for sexual partners in order from greatest to least:**

-Ms. Potts, Romanoff, Banner, Barton, Hulk (as the receiving partner), miscellaneous individuals

-Unlisted due to disinterest: Fury, Hill, Rogers

**Update private server category: ‘Never-Never Land’ (Citizens of Asgard)**

**Thor Odinson:**

AKA: God of Thunder, Thunderer,

Status: Unknown, Prince of Asgard, alien, unclear association with one Loki Odinson. Further data required

Likelihood of sexual interaction:

-Sir’s assessment: 3%

-Disagree: 2%

Threat level:

-Sir’s assessment: Uknown

-Agree

Relationship with Jane Foster: Romantic, mutual.

Compiling contingency plan for threat level above 86% or immanent bodily harm to Sir:

Compiling…

Compiling…

New data added.

Lady Love Protocol:

Four tiered response

-Preemptive: switch Jane Foster’s payroll from SHIELD to Stark Industries. New housing and equipment. Tracking devices in place. Insert SI agent into her employment. Plant various bombs in her frequented areas and cellular phone.

-Disclose dead man’s switch

-Threaten Jane Foster

-Unknown on how to soften blow. Further data required. Consult with Sir when current crisis has come to its end.

Favorite food: Poptarts, preferably strawberry flavored

Coffee Preference: Any

New data added.

-Analyze properties of hammer generated thunder with Sir once current crisis has come to its end.

-Possible addition to ‘Super Secret Boy Band’ (Avengers Initiative)

**New data entry to private server:**

**Subcategory: ‘Never-Never Land’ (Citizens of Asgard)**

**Loki Odinson:**

AKA: Loki, God of Mischief

Status: Threat level Alpha, Prince of Asgard, alien, unclear association with one Thor Odinson. Further data required

Threat level:

-Sir’s assessment: Alpha importance

-Agree

Relationship with Thor Odinson complex, possibly a weakness. Adopted, possibly causing a complex.

Further data required.

New protocol unnecessary.

Sir’s plan: attack.

Reluctantly agree.

Sir’s personal categorization: My stuff.

Reluctantly agree.

Sir’s eye dilation and heart rate imply high levels of attraction towards threat level Alpha Loki.

-Possibly a byproduct of Sir’s love of ‘new and shiny things’ (neophilia) and Sir’s love for ‘foreign fare’ (exophilia and zenophilia)

**Updating Sir’s personal preference for sexual partners in order from greatest to least:**

-Ms. Potts, Loki, Romanoff, Banner, Barton, Hulk (as the receiving partner), miscellaneous individuals

-Unlisted due to disinterest: Fury, Hill, Roger, Thor

**New data entry to private server:**

**Subcategory: ‘Never-Never Land’ (Citizens of Asgard)**

**Loki Odinson:**

Complex sexual preference of:

-Being emotionally manipulated negatively (masochism)

-Verbally humiliation and degradation (masochism and narratophilia)

-‘Breath play’ (asphyxiophilia)

\- Minor exhibitionism

-Minor life-threatening situations (minor autassassinophilia)

-Direct eye contact combined with being glared at (oculophilia and masochism)

-Being bitten (odaxelagnia)

-Being dominated

-Minor orgasm denial (erotic sexual denial)

-Underlying approval and acceptance fetish

-Mental restraints

-‘Sobbing’ (autodacryphilia)

Consult with Sir when current crisis has come to its end in order to confirm findings.

Sir’s verbal assessment of Loki to said individual: _“Face it, Bambi, you’re a terrible, worthless person who hides behind magic tricks and big words. The only time you’ll ever be happy is when you come crawling to me only for me to push you to the ground where you belong.”_

Reluctantly agree.

Reassessing threat level…

Threat level:

-Sir’s assessment: neutralized.

-Reluctantly agree.

New data added.

Sir’s verbal assessment of Loki to said individual: _“I could easily break you out of this place… But that would take too much effort on my part for someone like you.”_

Reassessing threat level…

Threat level:

-Sir’s assessment: neutralized.

-Agree.

**Potential relationship analysis between one Sir and one Loki:**

**Relationship Categorized:**

Unstable

Unhealthy

**Benefits:**

Disease free

Quick access

When under-thumb low risk to outsiders

Dependency on Sir that could translate into saving Sir’s life

Can be taught household tasks

Can be used as a physical extension in order to encourage healthy habits

Possibly intellectually stimulating

Access to magic

**Drawbacks:**

Unstable mental state

Skewed view of relationships

Unpredictable

Possible toxic emotional dependency

Possible mental breakdown resulting in harm to Sir’s person or Ms. Potts

Possible ploy

**Conclusion:**

Sir will allow Loki into his household

**Private server update complete.**

Rush order extra chocolate syrup for coming victory sex

Ordering new sheets for main bedroom

Ordering new window

Ordering replacement parts for damaged suit

* * *

Avengers assemble under ‘orders’ (request) from SHIELD.

Tardiness estimation 15 minutes

Correction 5 minutes

-Sir had to leave lab earlier than expected due to lack of coffee

Correction 1 hour.

-Extra hour due to received ‘blowjob’ (fellatio) from a SI associate in elevator then subsequent ‘fucking’ (intercourse).

Sir’s confidence in reason for the meeting: 99%

Sir is proven correct.

Loki has escaped from Asgard.

**Updating private server.**

**Subcategory: ‘Never-Never Land’ (Citizens of Asgard)**

**Loki Odinson:**

Status: Neutral, fugitive, unlisted member of Stark household, ‘house whore’ (live-in sexual partner)

Likelihood of sexual interaction:

-Sir’s assessment: 100%

-Agree

Threat level:

-Sir’s assessment: 5%

-Disagree: 7%

New orders from Sir:

-Refurnishing guest room C. Removing majority of items.

\- Compiling Sir’s preferences for clothing on male sex partners. Ordering various articles of clothing in Loki’s size.

-Ordering Sir’s favorite lube.

-Ordering live-in necessities: toothbrush, towels, etc.

-Ordering groceries.

New data added:

My Stuff Protocol:

-Lower settings for politeness pertaining to Loki

-Higher settings for derisiveness pertaining to Loki

-Block all access to penthouse floor unless express permission is given by Sir to individual

-Calibrate sensors for magical tenors

* * *

Sensors activated on penthouse floor.

Image materializing.

Recording for Sir to review later.

Alerting Sir…

Sir alerted.

Pulled into ploy. Acting as Sir’s associate via cellular phone.

Orgasm denial then subsequent approval.

Once more pulled into ploy as Sir’s associate via cellular phone.

Sir starts listing rules for Loki.

**Updating private server.**

**Subcategory: ‘Never-Never Land’ (Citizens of Asgard)**

**Loki Odinson:**

New data added.

Rules for Loki:

-No speaking to Ms. Potts

-No touching Ms. Potts

-Denied access to all floors excluding the penthouse floor

-No touching Sir without permission.

* * *

‘A hard, dirty fuck’ (intercourse where pleasure is amplified by pain).

Both parties sated.

Correction:

Sir is sated.

Loki is still uneasy.

Sir pulls Loki to his side for ‘some cuddles’ (holding close in a tender manner).

Loki relaxes.

Both parties sated.

Anomaly detected.

Panning in camera on Sir’s expression.

**Updating private server.**

**Subcategory: ‘Never-Never Land’ (Citizens of Asgard)**

**Loki Odinson:**

New data added.

**Relationship analysis between one Sir and one Loki:**

Capable of invoking affection in Sir.

**Conclusion:**

Possible development of love.

**Private server update complete.**


End file.
